Madness

Madness is still trying to figure out if she is capable of not speaking.

 Ok wait .. are you LIMITED to just one image on Wordless Wednesday? Or can I like, keep adding images as the day goes on? Because if I can do THAT .. then I am  all.  over.  it.

So.. ggidd-ee-yup..

 One of my FIRST thoughts of the day today was THIS:

PETE WENTZ IS GAY! THERE, I said it! I dont care what anybody says .. Pete Wentz is gay. Look at that pic and *tell me* Pete Wentz isnt G A Y!

Oh, youre just not so sure because he’s all “I knocked up Ashley Simpson” an’shit.

Well.. have a looksie at this

That kid is gay .. I’m just sayin.

Shortly after the demons released Madness from the “Pete Wentz is gay” rant .. Madness was overcome by this

**stay tuned .. Madness computer is being an asshat and now Madness must throw it in the trash restart**

oh-kay .. ahem ..

You see .. Madness lives in the MidWest. MmmHmm.. say it with Madness.. the MidWest. The national economy is tanking .. and in the MidWest .. the economy is CRASHING AND BURNING. MmmHmm.  It IS. 
Madness works in healthcare.  One might not think that the healthcare industry is being effected by the tanking economy but let me assure you it is.

Thanks evil satan spawn GeorgieBoy

I apologize right now to everyone in the blog-o-sphere and everyone within a 30 mile radius of here .. for I was the source of the mind scraping SQUEAL that woke you all this morning.  Im sorry Im sorry Im sorry Im sorry. 

But you see.. I had such good reason to behave in such an uncontrollable manic way (please dont tell my doctor, please dont tell my doctor, please dont tell my doctor)

THIS IS WHY I woke you all with that mind scraping SQUEAL :

Oh.My.Gawdess.Yes.  B O S S Y wuz here!  I cant believe it. Bossy, the BOSS of the BLOG, read my last post and left a comment.  MmmHmm.. she did.         *sigh*

And now I’m expected to umm.. work.. or something for the rest of the day. PSHHAW!

“What does Madness DO for a living that gives her so much time to read and write blogs?” you ask.  Well, Madness has what you might call a cush job. MmmHmm.  Madness works for a group of sorry ass suckers surgeons and all Madness has to do is sit here and wait for that thing to ring.  Seriously. 

Oh, and FYI… yes, we talk about you and how stupid you are when we hang up with you.

Monday morning in the Mind of Madness sounded a little like this

*crank* ~ *sputter* ~ *silence*

*crank* ~ *sputter* ~ *silence*

this went on for HOURS about 3 minutes before MaxX came outside to see what the trouble was.  whats the trouble whats the trouble whats the trouble???  Hmm .. the thingy isnt making the thingy do what its suppose to do when I do this with that thing.

THATS the trouble. *sigh*

Were any of you wondering what $5 of the blood of Christ  unleaded gasoline looks like?  I happen to know what five whole dollars worth of the blood of Christ  unleaded gasoline looks like.. and let.me.tell.you. it aint much. *sigh*

So after the tablespoon of the blood of Christ  gasoline was inserted into the rear of my (oh my.. ahem) so after the the blood of Christ  gasoline was dribbled into the tank, the thingy made the thingy do what it was suppose to do when I did that to it and I was OFF to start my day.  Fifteen minutes later I slide into work 13 minutes late. Oh. Um. Yay.  Six minutes after that Im on the phone with the “IT” guy. Why? Because Madness changed her password on Friday and Madness has no freakin idea what she changed it to.. so Madness  had to admit that shes a total fuck up having a bad day.

Then Madness opened her email and what did Madness find?

A love note from these folks

MmmHmm .. they are bringing Madness this little number

MmmHmm .. thats my sexy new baby phone. She will be mine tomorrow.

My best friend Bossy is home from Bossys Excellent Road Trip … 10, 000 miles, all around the country in 5 weeks.  Read all about it at www.iambossy.com

You might also check out www.mariabamford.com THAT bitch is fuh-nee.

Our internet was down yesterday.. and through the night. It came back on at some point this morning. For that I am thankful.

I’ll have to blog tomorrow..today I am exhausted.

darnit.. i wish it were a BIG pic

I love love love love when babies do this

Once upon a few days ago, a Good Samaritan did a Good Thing and that Good Thing turned into a very Good Thing today for Me and MaxX.

a Good Samaritan once purchased this GEM (retail..i know…) :

Oh heck yes! MaxX and Me had us a *date* today. MmmHmm MaxX and Me went to the Evil Institution of Satan bank today which was a surprisingly sugary sickening visit. Thank you large scary waytoo overly smiley cackley nice bank manager lady.. *waves* “Hi-Hello!!”

Thankfully still, MaxX and Me didnt have to jump that guys beastly p.o.c (thats ‘~piece.of.crap~’ for ya’ll who didnt know. Lynn.) with OUR rediculous p.o.s. (thats ‘~piece.of.shit. for ya’ll who didnt know. Lynn.) minivan. Yay.

Ya so.. back to that GEM of a Good Thing found while MaxX and Me were out on our *date*  today. After the Institution of Satan bank, we had a pah-rooz around the thrift shoppe.  (No, Im not trying to be hoity-toity.. shop is an auto repair shop, shoppe is a store. Its just the right way to spell shit) MaxX and Me l.o.v.e going to the thrift shoppe on account of MaxX has this remarkable talent for scoring every single piece of the thrift shoppes fancy schmancy name brand clothing in 20 minutes or less. The man is awe inspiring in oh so many ways. 

After watching him do his thang for a while I started to get dizzy with awe and ventured out on my own to the childrens section.  You see, I too have a remarkable talent for scoring each and every piece of fancy schmancy name brand clothing in the chidlrens section of any given thrift outlet. Oh. Yes. I. Do. and it’s fantastic.

Two aisles between Hilfiger haven and the childrens section my eye catches sight of that which we now hold sacred in My house …

Oh heck yes! Once upon a time ago..some totally rad person purchased this Vote for Pedro t-shirt. Said totally rad person gave said t-shirt to some lame-o who never wore it had the same scary stalker like obsession  appriciation for Napoleon Dynamite that I do and said totally rad person took very good care of this priceless piece of pop culture trash GEM and in an obvious moment of delusion GAVE this sacred specimin to the Salvation Army Thrift Shoppe. MmmHmm… and now MaxX and Me and the rest of our Madness family have this t-shirt which we shall covet. Yay!

Oh, and I also picked up this little number .. a new super exciting ultra coool   bedskirt. Yay.

Yeah.. you guessed it.  D went the ENTIRE day yesterday with no vomit. Last night she said her tummy was hurting and she wanted chicken noodle soup and applesauce for dinner instead of the BBQ chicken corn and potatoes.. ok, no problem.  She had done so well all day, even played outside!! I figured she was on the mend so I gave her sister T the last.can.of.chicken.noodle.soup for dinner too. (insert idiot mom remark here)

All was well well well… then at 4:12 am I hear my oldest daughter H talking to baby D.

So I shout from bed “Whats wrong!?!”

“Shes gonna BLOW!!”, H hollars back

“Get her to the toilet!! Fast!!”, I reply (we neglected to bring the “official puke bowl” up to bed with her)   UP I spring from my cozy warm bed say to myself.. GET UP WOMAN! Youre a Momma! GET UP! argh.. stumble.. Where are my PANTS!?!? *glare at hubby for he is the reason I am not wearing pants* Pants found *whew* Pants are inside out *grunt*

*sigh* poor pumpkin sugar bear baby *sigh*

Question: Are you a “Bad Momma” if you gently and lovingly rush your vomiting 6 year old because youre doing the pee-pee dance at 4:12 am and need to use the toilet that she is currently using for an equally urgent matter? just wondering.

So into bed with D I collapse climb *sigh* oh babe

Oh, thats right… I let the kids finish off the Sprite and Chicken Noodle Soup because I thought baby D was all better.  Oh, and yay, I have to be to work at 8:00 am. Oh, so yay, that means I have to rush a trip to the corner HajiMart Gas Station and pay $5.99 for a can of chicken noodle soup and $3.99 for a 2 litre of Sprite. Oh, and TODAY is payday, you say?  So I have a whopping $6.00 to my name till I get my paycheck. Oh, thats lovely. No problem.. I just WONT SHOWER and we’ll see how far we get on $6.00 at the HajiMart Gas Station.  (**update** 2 litre of Sprite and two cans of Campbells Chicken Noodle Soup total = $5.75 .. going to work without showering and $.25 to your name … PRICELESS!)

So here I am at work.. not sure what I smell like.. sick baby D at home

Today is gonna suck donkey balls.

48 min till i get to go home… yawn… i wanna go NOW

Everybody say “Awwwwwwww” ..

My baby, D. (whom I most often call M. .. so much in fact that a co-worker of mine was of the understanding for quite a while that D. and M. were two different children .. that was some funny shit right thar)  Anywho.. My baby, D.  is SICK.  Chuck~across~tha~room SICK.

Yesterday morning while getting ready for school she says “Momma, last nite my tummy felt like I was going to throw up”

So Madness says “Oh babe.. do you feel ok to go to school?”

“Yes Momma, I think so”

“Baby, are you sure?”

“Yes Momma”

13.2 minutes later .. precisely 3 minutes and 42 seconds after Madness laid back down (because yesterday was Madness day to go into work at NOON instead of 8:00) the phone rings. Of.Course.The.Phone.Rings ..

“this is the school nurse. D. got sick on the bus, on her way off of the bus, in the hallway and now she’s throwing up in my office. You’ll need to come get her” ~ Ya think?!

“Im on my way”

So… D. has been posted up on the sofa since then. She has a stack of DVD’s and XBOX games at her fingertips… 2 sisters, 2 brothers and momma and dad doting on her.  Between the bouts of violent vommiting..that kid has it MADE.

Madness slept with D. last night *sigh* (ovaries throbbing at the need for another newborn to sleep with and smell)  At one point Madness awakes!

“Momma!!!!”

“yes baby?!?!? do you need to throw up??!?!?”

“No! Dont Worry! I just need to peepee and youre in my way!”

~Thank you Jeebus~ 

OK, so.. I happened accross a blog entitled “I am somebodys Mother?” last week..(where’d I find it, how’d I stumble upon it.. i dont know.. cant remember, isnt that insane?)

Anywhooo. I was so excited to find this blog because..well..honestly.. CNN and TMZ only update so many times a day and I have a REALLY RIDICULOUSLY BORING job (where some lady with really blonde hair who smells REALLY good and who probably thinks I’m a major butt sucker because Ive told her how good she smells probably 10 too many times..oh..and *gasp for air* BLOCKED MySpace and well.. i’ll just stop there).. so I am totally lacking stimulation at work. So, new ~ entertaining stuff to read while I’m at work ~ WOOHOO its a good day!!

From there I found a link to Jennifers blog “Playgroups are no place for Children”. I think I read her entire blog in a day or two. I love Jennifer!! I want to be her friend! (actually I want her to be my mommy, but we’re like the same age sooo… umm.. yeah…) Oh, and Jennifer, I love the name Tate.. even if it is made up.

Meanwhile, on Jennifers blog I clicked on some other ladys blog.. Queen of Shake Shake..and SHE was entertaining as well.. BUT.. only MOMENTS into reading HER blog.. I followed a link to a little place called “I am Bossy” and OH MY LOARD.. THAT lady is insanely GENIUS!!

Bossy.. YOU are now on the TOP of my “I want you to be my mommy” list

I have read ALL of Bossys blog from day one.. as well as her postings on other sites and .. now I sit here all day checking for a new post from Bossy… *sigh* Bossy is currently on her totally Awsome Road Trip and all I can think of when I’m reading Bossy’s blog is “Cult-Following”.

Ive told my girlfriends at work about Bossy’s site .. mainly because I got tired of hearing “are you ok? Youre so quiet”.. Ive shared Bossy with my husband..reading this and that to him whilst pissing my pants laughing and saying over and over “Bossy makes NO DAMN SENSE” (thats Madness talk for “Bossy is SO freaking funny she makes me piddle in my panties”)

From Bossys site I found my way to another nifty place in the universe.. Baldo ’s blog. LOVING Baldo. (mostly because she too suffers from mental illness.. I myself am Bipolar and trying every day to learn how to cope and live. Im not sure what the whole scoop on Marrits whackness is yet.. but I’m drawn to her because she’s “one of us”).. that and she is incredibly talented and intillegent.

okiedokes ~ so that is how I ended up at Haiku Friday..

Jennifer posts a Haiku every friday and because I’m a lost soul who doesnt know who she is or was or will be.. I too will now post Haiku Friday..because i want to be oh so super cool like Jennifer and all her bloggy buddies and I would have no idea how to do that on my own so I need to do what they do… or whatever.

SO… Haiku Friday

On Tuesday .. stay tuned.. I dont know how to Haiku … yet.